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I have a confession to make. Since I got into college, I’ve been feeling myself stray from God. Sure, I’ve had those “Mountain Highs” where I’m totally on fire for the Lord but then I travel right back down into the valley. I haven’t found a church up there that I felt I could call home, so I wasn’t going to church. I went to church when I was home on the weekends and that was it.
Today I was running errands and had my music on shuffle when Matt Maher’s song “Lord, I Need You” came on. The chorus says “Lord, I need you, oh I need you, every hour I need you. My one defense, my righteousness, Oh God how I need you” and I just lost it. I’m not one to cry, but here I was, sitting in traffic, bawling my eyes out.

Lately I’ve been so worried about all the things I have to do before I leave this summer for camp, everything to do with school; finances, classes, etc. and everything else that’s going on, I haven’t paid any attention to my relationship with Christ. Those words just hit home in the sense that I can’t do it without Him. I’m a fairly stubborn person and would love to think that I can do everything by myself, that I can prove myself completely and totally independent. But here’s the thing, as a Christian I can never be fully independent because I’m dependent on the Lord. Psalm 65:5-8 says: I depend on God alone; I put my hope in him. He alone protects and saves me; he is my defender, and I shall never be defeated. My salvation and honor depend on God; he is my strong protector; he is my shelter. Trust in God at all times, my people. Tell him all your troubles, for he is our refuge.”  (Good News Version)

The best part is that although I don’t think I should be welcomed back after straying, I can rest in the knowledge that I’ve been redeemed. I have been saved by grace through faith. When I got home today, I sat in my car for a good 15 minutes pouring out my soul to God, asking for forgiveness for my sins, and asking him to help me to not stray any further. I can definitely affirm that it is hard to admit your wrongs to your parents, but then to admit them to our Father? It’s almost embarassing. But I know that if I don’t come clean, I feel like I’m hiding from God. Thankfully God’s love for us is unconditional, and it’s in this that I find peace.

So shoutout to God for constantly pursuing me and my troubled heart. 

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4 comments

  1. angela grover · June 5, 2014

    you’re an amazing young lady to share this with us…me. thank you. and i’m so glad you’ve found your way back to Him!

    • Mary Elizabeth · June 5, 2014

      Thank you Angela! I felt a little like a lost sheep, but eventually I found my sheperd!

  2. Beth Henderson · June 5, 2014

    Mimi – We all have our “desert” times when we wander away from God and, in our desolation, begin to believe that we can take care of it all ourselves. Surrendering our (very strong) will to our Master is so hard but, once it is given to Him, things go so much smoother. Know that I pray for you every day, that you will be led by Him, filled with wisdom and enjoy the good life that He has in mind for you. Love you very much! Grandma

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