I have a confession to make. Since I got into college, I’ve been feeling myself stray from God. Sure, I’ve had those “Mountain Highs” where I’m totally on fire for the Lord but then I travel right back down into the valley. I haven’t found a church up there that I felt I could call home, so I wasn’t going to church. I went to church when I was home on the weekends and that was it.
Today I was running errands and had my music on shuffle when Matt Maher’s song “Lord, I Need You” came on. The chorus says “Lord, I need you, oh I need you, every hour I need you. My one defense, my righteousness, Oh God how I need you” and I just lost it. I’m not one to cry, but here I was, sitting in traffic, bawling my eyes out.
Lately I’ve been so worried about all the things I have to do before I leave this summer for camp, everything to do with school; finances, classes, etc. and everything else that’s going on, I haven’t paid any attention to my relationship with Christ. Those words just hit home in the sense that I can’t do it without Him. I’m a fairly stubborn person and would love to think that I can do everything by myself, that I can prove myself completely and totally independent. But here’s the thing, as a Christian I can never be fully independent because I’m dependent on the Lord. Psalm 65:5-8 says: “I depend on God alone; I put my hope in him. He alone protects and saves me; he is my defender, and I shall never be defeated. My salvation and honor depend on God; he is my strong protector; he is my shelter. Trust in God at all times, my people. Tell him all your troubles, for he is our refuge.” (Good News Version)
The best part is that although I don’t think I should be welcomed back after straying, I can rest in the knowledge that I’ve been redeemed. I have been saved by grace through faith. When I got home today, I sat in my car for a good 15 minutes pouring out my soul to God, asking for forgiveness for my sins, and asking him to help me to not stray any further. I can definitely affirm that it is hard to admit your wrongs to your parents, but then to admit them to our Father? It’s almost embarassing. But I know that if I don’t come clean, I feel like I’m hiding from God. Thankfully God’s love for us is unconditional, and it’s in this that I find peace.
So shoutout to God for constantly pursuing me and my troubled heart.